Try a gin-and-tonic jello shot. Store-brand tonic will do the trick, but for the gin I recommend something distinctly floral, like Dorothy Parker American gin, which I started buying for existential reasons related to my self-conception as its target demographic.
I like Patterson's pop culture-related reviews, but his Drinks column has me convinced that if we met, we'd be total besties. I love marketing-related self awareness. Also, gin.
I do wonder, though, how long it took him to decide to end the column it with "Wiggle it, just a little bit" vs. "Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah." That really could've gone either way.